31 May 2016

Attempting To Adult


Location: Fletcher Moss Botanical Garden, Didsbury, Greater Manchester

In the past ten months since I started my little corner on the internet, I have shared a lot about my life in terms of the destinations I've visited and some of the experiences I've had, but I've not really opened up about ME. The other week to mark my birthday I posted twenty-three facts about myself (have a peek here) and now I wanna share with you what the heck I am doing with my life, in an attempt to figure it out, and let you know that if like me you're a bit shit at this whole 'adult' thing, you're not alone.

So I graduated from university with a nice shiny 2:1 two years ago THIS JULY, WHAT. I don't even understand where the hell the time has gone, it feels like five minutes ago since I was picking out my grad dress. During my last year of university I went to some extra lectures on stuff like 'How To Write A CV' and what you can and can't publish when you're a journalist and thought I was pretty set for post-uni life. Lol. So graduation came and went and I figured I didn't fancy spending my days watching This Morning and signing on, so I got myself a job as a sales assistant for Lush Cosmetics (basically showing children what a bath bomb does all day - literally lived the dream).  Pretty much the same week I got my interview for that job, I met my current boyfriend and love of my life, so life was pretty sweet. In the November I became his girlfriend (YAASSSS) and by Christmas I was mega happy. It had been a successful year.

However, I was still living with my mum, and hadn't landed that big grown-up graduate job yet. Which is basically where I am once again at. Since then and now I've done quite a lot of volunteering, and last September after a summer of interrailing, followed by returning to my sales assistant job, I decided I needed to make some drastic grown-up decisions.

A dream of mine for a few years had been to volunteer abroad, and also visit a developing country, so I thought why not combine the two and signed up to work on a three month placement for a charity out in Northern Ghana. It was YOLO-ing at its finest. After I'd holla'd for every dolla (or rather, quid) I could get for my fundraising, I'd raised over £800 for my charity and was sent to Ghana. Fucking yikes.

After an exhausting, life-changing twelve-weeks of sun, sand and bucket showers (it was far from a holiday LET ME TELL YOU) I landed back in the UK at the beginning of April. And now, it's nearly June. Fuck.

It took me a good three weeks to really deal with the fact I was back in England; bubble baths, showers, chocolate, a comfy bed and working internet connection are now all things I consider five star luxuries. After getting settled back into the fast-paced hustle and bustle of Great Britain, my caffeine addiction has returned and I'm finally up to speed with my favourite TV shows (thank fuck I was back in time for Game of Thrones and that explosive week on Coronation Street is all I can say). I'm now lurking my own Linkedin profile as much as I'm lurking my Instagram feed, signed up to every UK jobsite that exists and frantically re-reading my cover letter and CV. 

The hardest thing right now though is watching every single person around you win at life whilst you feel like you're miserably failing. Wow. That was bloody honest, but it was hard to leave university and not know exactly what I wanted, whilst everyone else was already hopping on their career/marriage/baby etc. ladder. I am super glad that I followed my own path of volunteer work, gaining skills for my CV, exploring Europe with my favourite person, and leaving everything behind to take on the ultimate challenge in West Africa. At the same time, when everyone is talking about their 'salary', 'life plans', 'engagements' 'house viewings', 'car browsing' (I can't even drive and I've got mates talking about how hard it is to find the right car, pls stop) you do kinda feel like you don't really wanna leave the house, and Netflix and copious amounts of green tea sound way better than everyone telling you how great their life is going for them right now.

Does this make me sound like a super jealous bitch? Soz if it does. I've spent two years sussing out what I want and now I know, I just want to seize the day. How can you sum up how self-motivated, resilient, focused, passionate and bloody excited about life you are when you've only got a CV and a cover letter to convey it on? And how can you listen to any more 'my life is awesome' monologues knowing that all you wanna do is respond by bursting into tears?

But, I realised that wanting other people's happiness WON'T make me any happier. Seeing a filtered, VSCO edited feed of doughnuts and acrylic nails on Instagram doesn't mean the person behind the account has a perfect life, and finding that you haven't landed your dream grad job yet DOES NOT make you a failure. So, I may not be an independent, employed sass queen with a driver's license yet, but trust me, I am not giving up without a fight.

Brb, just seizing 2016.
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